Last night I had the North London teens and young singles over to my house to celebrate Thanksgiving. I couldn't let the fact that I'm in England detract from the holiday spirit. (Also, let's be real, who really needs a reason to eat turkey and hang out with friends?) It was so much fun bringing a little piece of America to my new home! Although some of the food was a bit uh, interesting, it was great to see everyone really enjoying themselves.
I sent out an email last week to invite everyone and ask them to bring a side or drink to share. I wrote that I would be providing the main course, but didn't specify exactly what it would be. Obviously, turkey is the way to go on Thanksgiving, but I was hesitant to invest the time and money necessary. Not to mention that I've never made a turkey in my life. I debated getting chicken instead, or maybe a ham. However, as I researched turkey cooking methods online, I decided that it didn't look as daunting as it sounds. I went for it. And you know what? It wasn't too bad! The turkey came out beautifully roasted and amazingly juicy. In fact, it went so well, that I've decided to share my recipe with you.
How to Cook a Turkey
You Will Need:
-a turkey
-a backpack
-butter
-seasoning
-prayer
1. Buy the Turkey
Turkeys have been available for the last few weeks, even though Christmas is still a month away. Even in England, people start preparing for the holidays way too early. But that's good news for you! Go get yourself a turkey! What size, you ask? I can't help you there. Even though you emailed 35 people, only 5 of them have emailed you back, while others have said they're bringing friends, and still others who you didn't even email in the first place have let you know they can't wait to be there. Just aim for a big one.
I sent out an email last week to invite everyone and ask them to bring a side or drink to share. I wrote that I would be providing the main course, but didn't specify exactly what it would be. Obviously, turkey is the way to go on Thanksgiving, but I was hesitant to invest the time and money necessary. Not to mention that I've never made a turkey in my life. I debated getting chicken instead, or maybe a ham. However, as I researched turkey cooking methods online, I decided that it didn't look as daunting as it sounds. I went for it. And you know what? It wasn't too bad! The turkey came out beautifully roasted and amazingly juicy. In fact, it went so well, that I've decided to share my recipe with you.
How to Cook a Turkey
You Will Need:
-a turkey
-a backpack
-butter
-seasoning
-prayer
1. Buy the Turkey
Turkeys have been available for the last few weeks, even though Christmas is still a month away. Even in England, people start preparing for the holidays way too early. But that's good news for you! Go get yourself a turkey! What size, you ask? I can't help you there. Even though you emailed 35 people, only 5 of them have emailed you back, while others have said they're bringing friends, and still others who you didn't even email in the first place have let you know they can't wait to be there. Just aim for a big one.
Make sure you spend a few minutes being confused about the way turkeys are priced. Not pound-by-pound like chicken, no, that would be too easy. Instead, they're priced within a range. So a 5.4kg turkey costs the same as a 7.2kg turkey. That's right, for the same price, you can get an additional 4 pounds of meat! Totally logical!
2. Bring that baby home
After purchasing the turkey, get out your backpack. Pop that sucker in. Because there is no way that you're going to carry a 15 pound frozen turkey 1.2 miles home in a shopping bag.
2. Bring that baby home
After purchasing the turkey, get out your backpack. Pop that sucker in. Because there is no way that you're going to carry a 15 pound frozen turkey 1.2 miles home in a shopping bag.
3. Let it thaw
This part may be a bit tricky depending on the size of your refrigerator. It may require you to rearrange the entire contents of the fridge and/or throw a few things out. Remember, this is all done in the noble pursuit of Thanksgiving.
This part may be a bit tricky depending on the size of your refrigerator. It may require you to rearrange the entire contents of the fridge and/or throw a few things out. Remember, this is all done in the noble pursuit of Thanksgiving.
4. Once it's (mostly) thawed, remove the giblets
At this point, it is acceptable to name your turkey. We went with Tommy. The key to this step is to have an overabundance of confidence, despite only ever having seen your aunt prepare a turkey and never having done it yourself. Knowing that the giblets will be in a little bag inside the turkey, shove your hand up inside the body cavity and pull out...not the giblets. It will be hard to feel anything that may be paper or plastic considering it will still be a bit frozen on the inside and your fingers will go numb. You'll finally manage to wrap your hand around something and pull out a big chunk of meat. You'll have no idea what part of the turkey it is, but it'll come out so easily that for a moment you'll wonder if it's actually the giblets, just not in bagged-form. Fortunately, as you continue to poke around, you'll finally find the little plastic bag crammed up in the neck. Shove the chunk of meat you pulled out back inside the cavity and apologize to Tommy for thoroughly violating him.
At this point, it is acceptable to name your turkey. We went with Tommy. The key to this step is to have an overabundance of confidence, despite only ever having seen your aunt prepare a turkey and never having done it yourself. Knowing that the giblets will be in a little bag inside the turkey, shove your hand up inside the body cavity and pull out...not the giblets. It will be hard to feel anything that may be paper or plastic considering it will still be a bit frozen on the inside and your fingers will go numb. You'll finally manage to wrap your hand around something and pull out a big chunk of meat. You'll have no idea what part of the turkey it is, but it'll come out so easily that for a moment you'll wonder if it's actually the giblets, just not in bagged-form. Fortunately, as you continue to poke around, you'll finally find the little plastic bag crammed up in the neck. Shove the chunk of meat you pulled out back inside the cavity and apologize to Tommy for thoroughly violating him.
5. Prep the bird
Rub butter all over the turkey. Your mom may have told you to put it under the skin, but you'll soon realize that the skin is generally attached to the meat and is really hard to separate. It will be debatable if any of the butter is actually rubbing off onto the bird considering it's still kind of frozen and the butter is sort of just clumping up. Do what you can. Sprinkle some garlic & rosemary seasoning and chili powder onto it so that you can feel like you've at least done something.
Rub butter all over the turkey. Your mom may have told you to put it under the skin, but you'll soon realize that the skin is generally attached to the meat and is really hard to separate. It will be debatable if any of the butter is actually rubbing off onto the bird considering it's still kind of frozen and the butter is sort of just clumping up. Do what you can. Sprinkle some garlic & rosemary seasoning and chili powder onto it so that you can feel like you've at least done something.
6. Stick Tommy in the oven
Even though he's still a little icey on the inside, you're kind of running out of time and need to just suck it up and shove him in. Lay him breast side down, because you read online that the juices from the dark meat will run down into the white meat, resulting in a juicier, more tender turkey. Apply a liberal amount of prayer. Cook at 180C. Check on Tommy periodically to make sure everything's going ok.
Even though he's still a little icey on the inside, you're kind of running out of time and need to just suck it up and shove him in. Lay him breast side down, because you read online that the juices from the dark meat will run down into the white meat, resulting in a juicier, more tender turkey. Apply a liberal amount of prayer. Cook at 180C. Check on Tommy periodically to make sure everything's going ok.
7. Praise God
After 3 and a half hours, pull Tommy out of the oven. You don't have a meat thermometer, so you're going to have to check the old fashioned way to see if he's cooked. Breathe a sigh of relief when you poke a knife into his thigh and the juices run out clear. Do a little dance around the kitchen, and then grab the first man you see to come carve the turkey.
After 3 and a half hours, pull Tommy out of the oven. You don't have a meat thermometer, so you're going to have to check the old fashioned way to see if he's cooked. Breathe a sigh of relief when you poke a knife into his thigh and the juices run out clear. Do a little dance around the kitchen, and then grab the first man you see to come carve the turkey.
That's it! In all honesty though, I'm relieved that the turkey was cooked all the way through. It was still relatively frozen on the inside when I stuck it in the oven, but there wasn't any more time to let it thaw. I was so nervous while it was being carved that at any moment, the next layer of meat would fall away to reveal a pink and bloody center. Once we got to the middle and I saw that it was white I nearly cheered. Ok fine, so I may have cheered out loud. Sue me.
The rest of the evening was a ton of fun. Some of the interpretations of the food suggestions I had given were a little unique (the green bean casserole and cornbread being the most notable) but everything tasted great. At the end of the evening, everybody was saying that they want to make this an annual thing. Fine by me!
The rest of the evening was a ton of fun. Some of the interpretations of the food suggestions I had given were a little unique (the green bean casserole and cornbread being the most notable) but everything tasted great. At the end of the evening, everybody was saying that they want to make this an annual thing. Fine by me!
Happy Thanksgiving! I hope your holiday is filled with as much fun, laughter, and good food as mine was.